it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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