Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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