We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
