dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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