What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
