This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
