dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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