why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
someone owes me an orgasm
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
