just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
