I wish I could teleport
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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