Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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