Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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