just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
