I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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