I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
