Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
