Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
