We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
