omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
