I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
