Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
