I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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