You can't special order awesome
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think my moral compass just broke
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
