hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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