the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
