Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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