just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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