TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
