Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
