Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
