Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
