I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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