A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
