i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you never un-have a 4some
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
