people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize