she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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