bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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