I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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