woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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