i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
