Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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