It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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