1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
