I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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