Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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