between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
