Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
