it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
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Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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