I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
worst night to have a conscience
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
