ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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