You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Randomize
