Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
