Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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