U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
