elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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