So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
