wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
