dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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