Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
