so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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