three words: i give head
three words: not that well
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
