The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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