You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
