what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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