I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
