Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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