Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Text me some of your sweat
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
