So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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