Plan B is the new Plan A
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
