6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
