hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You did what with his pubic hair?
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