if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
