I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
