My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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