First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
