Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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