I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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