so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
